I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
