She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize