i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
