everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
