I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
