He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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