I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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