Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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