I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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