I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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