Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
