he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
