dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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