tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
