Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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