Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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