so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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