I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just made my gag reflex go away.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
