You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
