some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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