this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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