ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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