On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
