What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize