he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize