We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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