official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
