Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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