for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
