She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
