Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
