I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You can't special order awesome
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
