in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Welp...herpes.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
