I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
