I wish you could order shots online.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I would ride that face into the sunset
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
