I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
high people should be assigned attendants
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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