youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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