dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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