my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
