everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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