Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
