did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
