He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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