My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
