i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So squirting runs in the family.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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