and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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