About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize