is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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