he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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