Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
