Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
