every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
