Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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