bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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