I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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