ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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