im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
