peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
