Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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