It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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