she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
