its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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