so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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