Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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