There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
