So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
