what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
